What I know

 I used to believe that life was fated. Everything that ever happened to us predestined and unchangeable. I used to think that life gave you choices and if you missed the right ones, then there were no others. You were doomed. I used to think that if you didn’t go to Uni you had no chance of a career and success. I used to think that I was meant to love one man forever. I used to think I would be a terrible mother because I was hurt before. I used to think my body was defective and wrong, along with my personality and everything about me. I used to think that I had no choice in life. Life happened regardless of what i did

I used to believe love was endless and there was nothing that could break it.

I know I was wrong.

I know that love is endless if it is true. I know success is defined by years of effort and not simply by academia. I know who I am and what I can do. I know the power of words and communication. I know that my life is up to me and I own it and I get to choose every day where it is going. I know now that I am pretty fucking awesome and I own my destiny and everything ahead of me is up to me. I know love is endless if it true love.

I know why I am here and I shall keep that secret, because the treasure is in its discovery.  I know that I will not need to repeat this life for I have learnt its lessons well.

I know that people come and go but some stick and they are true and valuable and so real.

I know that I am powerful and weak and strong and pathetic and soft and hard and harsh and pessimistic in my optimism. And that is OK. I am OK. I know that I am good at some things, and suck at others. And that is OK and it makes me a good flawed human. 

I know that I will always be OK now. I know I don’t know everything but I have the tools to find out. I know now more than anything that I will survive this life. And enjoy it, live it, cherish it, mark it. 

I know my power lies in my ability to empathise and love. I know  what my weaknesses are and there are some that are genetic and I can’t alter. I have learnt to accept those.

I think destiny is a myth. We make our own, plant seeds and later reap what we sow. The misplaced seeds sometimes feel like destiny. But they are just learning.

I know that I have much to learn. I know life is short and it feels like it is too short. I know the meaning of life. I know everything I say and do has an effect. I know how to keep my mouth shut and how to open it when needed. 

I know how to love most of all. True love. Unconditional and giving and self respecting.

I know I keep learning every day.