Fifty

 In a couple of hours, it will be 50 years since I entered this world. I’ve never asked my mum whether I kicked and screamed, or philosophically pondered my destiny.

If anyone had told me then what I would need to live through, I might have pulled the plug. 

But here I am, alive, well, happy, fulfilled. 

A little broken, but glued together over and over again. Grateful and absolutely convinced that this life is for growth and advancement.  And I have absolutely no regrets.

The hurdles and the blocks that have been put in my way are simply ways to get me to jump, to spring me into action, to prompt me to use my imagination and creativity to create palpable change. 

I am loved, I love plentifully and I have hope,  ongoing dreams, and life to live everyday. 

I am a lucky woman. I have boundless energy for play and learning, and nurturing. I am a friend, a daughter, a sister and a mum. I am so happy. 

I am grateful for my body, my scars, my flabby belly that has resulted from birthing the humans I will leave behind when my time is done. I love my funny brain that keeps me entertained when I’m meant to be asleep. I love my legs that take me places, and my arms that hug tight. I love my skin that was battered by south american ozoneless sun. I love my mind, and even my guts. 

I am proud to say that even if I died tomorrow, I would choose to die having made all the same mistakes I have made. I would not change anything to make it easier, or calmer or less stressful.

For I am who I am without cheating or manipulating, without taking the easiest roads.

Even in my darkest hours, I have vowed to keep to my principles and have kept to my codes. And that is all that I am. 

And I look forward to further growth. I am so glad I didn’t cause my end, for I would have missed out on all of this. I thank all of my loved ones, human and fur, feather and wood.

 I am alive, what a way to be! I am the softest clay, and the hardest metal. 

I wish myself loads of love, imagination and creativity, time, and wisdom. I wish myself love and happiness, and the responsibility to make it happen and the strength to pass it on. I wish myself the best life, for it is always worth it. 

I promise to respect me to earn others' respect. I will care for myself the way I care for others, and compassionately parent myself to the best of my ability. 

I will not die til I am truly done. I will not be defeated by difficulty and I will always be true to myself. 

May the next 50 be fruitful, painful, alive, exciting and always worth it.