HEAD LICE and OTHER hateful things

26/5/10
Having stopped feeling sorry for myself, I am now back on top I guess. You just need to sometimes. I guess I have been a bit stressed.
Well, now we move on.
So I thought I would talk about head lice today.
Along with the most disgusting of dictators, thieves, politicians, lawyers, rapists and murderers, a small bloodsucking fiend crawls around on scalps.
Lice.
The worst part is that when you finally discover them, they have been lurking in your scalp for God’s knows how long. Not only copulating, but laying eggs and feeding on your blood.
And then there is no way to simply get rid of them in one fell swoop, you have to pick out their ova out of hair one by one, which takes hours. And then spend hours removing their infants from hair every day for a week or two. And then repeat for the next child. If you are particularly unlucky, you have scored the shits yourself and need to spend all of that time combing your own hair.
There really isn’t anything worse. They are a bit like those huge pooey nappies that babies do, those ones that cover their entire torso and that happen just as you are about to go out for the day, or when you have just popped out without a change of clothes for your baby.
Just try it out one of these days. Ask someone when their kids have had head lice. I can guarantee that they will not say that their kids get head lice when they are on holidays or when you conveniently have nothing better to do than comb hair for 4 hours straight. Oh no, they will get head lice when you are about to go out and visit your long lost great aunt, or when you are about to go out for Christmas Eve dinner or when your child needs a haircut.
I am convinced that head lice are in fact not real animals. They are a curse sent to test every parent’s patience. Just when you have just about enough on your plate and feel like you can’t possibly handle one more inconvenience, someone sits at the right hand side of God and says: “There, they need head lice. They have it a bit too easy”.
At the very least, I am glad that they are not large animals that cling to scalps. That would be a lot harder to handle from a practical point of view. It would make them easier to find, but I guess it could get a little dangerous.
Head lice. I just hope that head lice don’t decide to follow an evolutionary path where they in fact grow to accommodate the spaces in a wide toothed comb. I would certainly never keep a pet louse. There would be RSPCA shelters full of them, I am pretty sure.
There are few things I hate more, in fact.
No, I can’t think of anything I hate more.