Dreaming

I found this today in one of my notebooks. My mindset is definitely very different at the moment but I really liked it and thought to share it. Enjoy. 

In the moment between sleeping and waking

my thoughts conceal their true intentions.

Accosted by  the somnolent truths 

and the denials of need in wakefulness.

Memories are cannons in the night 

waves crashing in distant seas that can no longer hurt.

Images of intention,

mirrors held up to see and hear,

pains resolved underhanded.

Doubts amassed in silence.

Sometimes the elusive signals disappear as I stare

trying as I may to hold them

like notes held over bars 

that fall flat despite the trying.

Sometimes I see me as I was

I speak as I did.

Tumultuous salads of chaos embroiled with living.

Sometimes time bends and balks

and spins me all around again 

to meet my maker 

and face the sins I have yet to commit.

And in the end I grasp at dregs

and filter smoke with my hands 

and wave my hands through my thoughts 

and lose them as the light of day shines on  my brain of today.

The peace of the dreaming 

and the war of colluding images 

clash like giants all day long.

shifting me from day to night and back again.

Across time and moment, 

across scent and debt.

Guilt is no longer quiet,

shame is not private.

Love is never subdued 

when facets of thought break into consciousness.

Lies are heavy as lead,

and truth as light as air in the clear southern skies.

sounds as crisp as autumn,

and tales as loud as notes that part the silence of despair.

If you wake and cannot recall,

then take some time to ponder 

on what time has set aside.

What may be buried deep today,

may bloom and glow anon. 

For tombs are left unlabelled,

and angels fail to fly, 

in the doom ridden coffin in the middle of the night. 

Deseo al rio Laraquete

 If I could choose the words to call you, you’d be mine in an instant.

Tangible and permanent.

But you are an elusive ally who I glimpse in the night time and you share my loneliest moments.

You are an absent ray of light, and an anonymous burden who will avoid my everlasting.

You are a promise that was made by a waterfall in the south of Chile on a 4th of February. Cool and rushing in that water, crosses haunt you and provide.

You are mine, like the goblin king of old.

If I could touch you and hold you,

And our souls collided unbidden,

If our minds endured through the burdens of pain.

Then you’d be mine.

And life would exist in unison for us both.

Life would cease to be a lonely race that leads into the abyss.

I am prepared to do it alone. I can.

But I don’t want to. I want you beside me, pain and all, tears and all, strength and vomit. Foot and mind, tooth and song.

For this life was made to grow and learn.

This life is joy and pain.

This life is my teacher and those people I have made are my fruit.

Let this life be my last lesson and a promise of greatness.

I feel like the end of the race is near.

I know that pain is a reminder of metal and fury.

It is a test of magnitude and fear.

When life is good I think I don’t need you, and when life is bad I beg for you.

But now I want you beside me, pain and rain, and rainbows, showers, storms, fallen trees and celebration. Fruit and toil, laughter and fun. Just be beside me and together we can conquer it all. Together you and I ascend. All or nothing as we descend.

For vulnerability is a gift few possess and can allow.

Pain is an arrow that allows regret and love.

This is what has shown me what is light.

Once he said that dark is not necessary for the light.

But the light is only brighter when you have been in the dark.

Be my song and my feather. My fur and my friend.

You are the key to my always.

Let it be done at last.

Another lifetime without you is possible.

I will do it.

I can do it.

I know I can.

But a moment beside you, a bridge in the fury,

A tear in midair.

I won’t allow this unless it is right and fair .

Forever in a breath, truth in a swift strike.

Can you hear my heart thumping out of pure impatient portent?

I am born of a cloud and dissolve in a lake.

I am earth and air, and you are fire and water.

We consume each other and annul our despair.

Be mine forever or none at all.

Jane I shall stay.

I have no fear.

Rescue comes from within.

Rescue you.

When you are done, find me

 I will wait.